SkoopaTroopa was A Roof Pirate

(with thanks to Echo Farmer for the memory boost)

I have this very distinct memory of piracy. There was jug wine. There was roof. There was Beloit. It was late summer or early fall and we were, most definitely, pirates -- swilling cheap lambrusco from across the Illinois border where they'd sell it to us after 9PM.

I was young. I don't know how young, exactly, 20 or 21. This was a time in my life where my id was definitely doing the driving. But, the fun thing about my id is that is has always sort of just been an old woman--like, have the most fun you can have while also being not actually that much fun. I think, though, that I cared less about things beyond the moment I was living in. That moment was what was important and I was always seeking out ways to really live in and love and experience the moment as it was happening. Drinking cheap booze on a Beliot roof top with my friends, pretending to be pirates, was one of those ways.

I can't even say how that entire scenario came about or why we were so into pirates at that point in time. My friend, Captain Spatula, was like a punk rock pirate of sorts. And, having the moniker "Captain Spatula" really sort of just sealed the deal. I think this night, the one that I can picture, where we're sitting on the roof top and listening to punk rock (those are Mest lyrics, aren't they... they are...living the dream, so to speak) and yelling very pirate-like things like "Did ye hear the cannon shots last night" or "Booched" with some "Avasts" and "Scallywags" thrown in for good measure, at passers-by is the night we came up with the rest of our pirate names.

This is something that happened a good decade ago. So, I really just don't remember how many of us were up there and I've probably forgotten most of the pirate names. There was Shoebeard, the Dread Pirate Scoop, Salty Echo and Dencker, who may have, in fact, been allergic to a pirate name.  And, really, none of this matters. It's a still frame that exists in my head and I associate the feeling of happiness with that moment on that rooftop.

I'm definitely romanticizing the moment. My life was, and always will be, imperfect. I am a girl who has loved and lost and lived, and that doesn't come without bumps or bruises. But, I remember the happiness I experienced during some of these more outlandish moments in my more formative years.

I think that when people get older, they lose these moments. They lose these feelings, the ones that make day to day life seem worth while. And, I wonder about those people. How do they live? What might their day to day lives be like? And, I think to myself that I never want to be one of those people.

And, this post isn't really about pirates. It's about realizing that you need to take the time to have fun in life. Sometimes that means sacrificing sleep or responsibility. Sometimes it means letting things pile up in your car or not picking up your bedroom as often as you should. Sometimes it means playing tag in public with your friends who are all well into their twenties or thirties or forties. Sometimes it means staying up all night just to spend time with someone you like. But, all of those times, it's worth it. Happiness is worth it. Friendship is worth it. Smiling is worth it. The hangover is worth it.

One Fine Day, SkoopaTroopa Was Peeing In A Pond...

This is, how you say, a "cop out" post. I haven't blogged in a while (shame on me) because I've been busy enjoying life and it's little quirks.

Currently, my English Composition students are studying "film" and their assignment is to essentially write a rhetorical analysis / literary criticism of their favorite film. I like to provide students with imperfect, but strong examples of what I'm looking for. However, when an assignment is new, I find that I've got to come up with my own "imperfect, but strong" example of what I might be looking for. I like to ask students permission to use their work as examples (name redacted, of course), but you can't do that if you just created the assignment. 

So, I took to writing my own college freshman analysis. Now, it's been a while since I've actually been a college freshman, but I think I see enough work to write something that might pass (or I'm a pedantic asshole... who knows... it's probably this option).

I decided to write about "Labyrinth" because I love the film. It's something my Aunt Tina passed down to me.... and something I plan to pass down to my nieces and nephews. Corrupt them young, I always say. 

If you're wondering about the title, and you might be.... the opening sequence of the Labyrinth portion of the film shows Hoggle peeing in a pond. This was something I found HILARIOUS as a child... and also today because I am, in fact, an overgrown child. My Aunt and I used to play a story game that often started out with "One fine day, Hoggle was peeing in a pond..." and went off in all sorts of fun and inappropriate directions.

 

“Labyrinth”

 The film “Labyrinth” was not a box office hit. It did not gain popularity until it found its way into the homes of potential viewers via VHS, DVD and now BluRay. The movie is widely regarded as a “cult classic,” which warmed the hearts of viewers through its opposition and derivation from mainstream cinema. While the film did not originally strike a chord with its intended audience, it has fought against the odds to attain a “cool” status. Today, the film is seen as revolutionary and is often ironically enjoyed. Though, in regards to popularity and quality, “Labyrinth” rivals some of today’s best films with its message of female empowerment, promotion of fostering strong friendships, use of trademark Henson puppetry, and inclusion of musical icon David Bowie.

 

The premise of the film is a simple one. A teenage girl, fed up with the way the world treats her (as so many teenagers are), wishes for the Goblin King to come and take her crying baby brother away. Not knowing that the Goblin King is real, the girl winds up going on a journey through the labyrinth to find and save her baby brother from becoming a goblin (Rattray & Henson, 1986). It is hokey. Though, it is meant to be. The film was aimed toward children. What wasn’t intended was the message of female empowerment that the film conveys.

The teenage girl, Sara, starts out as whiney. She is weak and absentminded. She believes the world is cruel and that her step-mother is “an evil witch from some fairy story” (Rattray & Henson, 1986). Though, as she gains determination while fighting to save her little brother, her childish attitude falls away. At the end of the film, she battles with the Goblin King and walks away the winner. She is stronger. The film conveys the idea that the Goblin King has no power over the young girl (Rattray & Henson, 1986). This was a newer approach used in the 80’s films. So, as time progressed, female viewers grabbed on to this character and the feats she managed to accomplish in the film. 

The film also conveys a warm fuzzy message about the enduring power of friendship. Sara enters the labyrinth alone. But, as she gets closer and closer to the center of the maze, she starts to pick up a colorful cast of friends. By the end of the film, they bonded through their adventures. Emotionally, this concept of friendship tugs at the heart strings of viewers. The resounding mantras of, we will be there whenever you call, whenever you need us and you’re not alone, even when you think you are connect to the sentiments of viewers. The characters are entertaining, grouchy, indignant and feisty. But, they are friends. They’re loving and supportive. This is something that all viewers want, that they can relate to. So, regardless of demographic, the film is able to bridge the gap between story and audience (Rattray & Henson, 1986).

However, it is not only the message and cast of characters that are compelling. The film itself relies on the creativity and design work of Jim Henson. Over time, Henson’s work has become a thing of legend. It’s also something that many people of many generations associate with their childhood. The vibrantly colored and imaginative puppetry that earned Henson his fame is ever present in this film. Henson, coupled with the artwork of Brian Froud, created fairies, goblins, henchmen, giant wooly beasts and even a tiny British snail. These iconic characters now adorn all sorts of merchandise. They are interesting to look at and aesthetically pleasing in a way that only Jim Henson was able to create. But, realistically, Jim Henson’s creations bring back fond memories of childhood of a time when things seemed simpler. This is the feeling that many viewers associate with “Labyrinth”. The film work and technology is limited by what was available in the mid-eighties, but still holds that signature Henson charm. 

 All of this, coupled with the choice of leading man, makes for a well-defined film. This, of course, refers to the iconic David Bowie. Bowie was a trendsetter. He was outspoken, bold, and talented. He was revered as the epitome of cool. Bowie brought an essence of 80’s glam to a children’s film. The world that knew him as this edgy musical pariah, but Bowie’s work in front of the camera only added to his repertoire. He went on to star in several films. 

Furthermore, he penned the soundtrack for the film. And, while it was a little tamer than some of his more experimental music, his vocal abilities and lyricism added another dimension to the film. He writes of love and greed and insanity. He portrays the Goblin King as a flawed individual in need of love, but also as someone who needs to control others. When all was said and done, the inclusion of David Bowie widened the scope of who the movie could or would eventually reach. Bowie fans, as adults, can watch the film and appreciate the talent and performance that he brought to the character, the music, and to the screen.
 

So, while “Labyrinth” was not initially the success that studios had anticipated, it is still a quality film. The way it has gained popularity against all odds is telling. The initial failings of “Labyrinth” were more due to an inability or confusion about how to market the film and who to sell it to. Does it appeal to children? Of course. Could it have been marketed to an older audience? Yes. It was a film that didn’t quite fit into the confines of traditional cinema. But, with an aire of coolness and a strong concept, the film has wormed its way into the hearts of viewers of all ages. The story is strong. The ideas are compelling. The puppetry is iconic. And, of course, David Bowie is David Bowie.

References

Rattray, E. (Producer) & Hensen, J. (Director). (1986) Labyrinth [Motion Picture]. United States

of America: TriStar Pictures

SkoopaTroopa Does Self-Concepts (Again)

We build out self-concept based on the experiences we have with other people. If we do not communicate, it can be hard to determine what we like and what we dislike. If we do not expose ourselves to media, we don't form preferences. This is all a matter of common sense.

But, we define who we are based on these incidents. A self-concept is a relatively stable set of perceptions that we hold true about ourselves. It is something that doesn't change drastically over time. It helps us to understand who we are as people and it's made up of many many components. Someone with a strong self-concept will usually have strong self-esteem. If you don't know who you are, it's hard to find worth or value in yourself.

However, the self-concept is often something that is difficult to quantify or define. It is usually a complex creature. I've tried several activities with students asking them to create boards or mind-maps or write essays about their own self concepts. But, no activity has been as successful as I'd like it to have been.

So, I want to try something new the next time I get to teach the course. I want my students to come up with a list of fictional characters that they identify with (10, 20, 100, however many they like -- though I'll probably set a minimum at some point). Then, I'll have them analyze how/why they identify with these characters. Why do you connect?

It's my guess that we connect to these fictional characters because they're a reflection of something we see in ourselves. We are, at heart. selfish creatures. We're indulgent.... unless it's just me... it is, isn't it? Ha.

Regardless, I went ahead and did what I'm asking my classes to do... as a test. I invite you to do so as well. If you do, feel free to post it in the comments. At least, it will be an interesting social experiment. At most, it'll help you to understand yourself a little better, right?

1. April Ludgate - Parks and Rec : I have a sarcasm problem and a fascination with the darker side of life. I am the sort of person who thinks horror movies are, mostly, hilarious. I remember seeing The Ring in theaters with my first college roommate. At the end of the movie *spoiler alert*, when they show you the film itself, I cracked up laughing. The people in front of me turned around and explained why I was a monster for having laughed. Three days later, I got a bloody nose. If you've seen the movie, you'll understand why that's funny. So, I pulled an entire Ring prank on my roommate and had someone call the dorm with the "seven days" shtick. I thought it was hilarious. She did not.
2. Miss Frizzle - The Magic School Bus: If you've met me, you'll understand that I am a real-life version of the iconic Miss Frizzle (not to be confused with the new Miss Frizzle). I am off-beat, funny and I find joy in learning. I like to make learning fun, whenever possible, which is hopefully something my students enjoy. Also, I'm a teacher. While I do not teach science, as Miss Frizzle does, I do have a deep respect for it. She and I also have a very similar fashion sense.
3. Daria - Daria: The teenager in me was this odd combination of Daria and Jane. I was weird. I am weird. I liked things that most people did not. Again, sarcastic. I wasn't great at most sports (but did play some soccer, I like kicking stuff). Ask me to play volley ball and I'll pull a Daria, every time. I love books. I am smart. But, the Jane in me is all sorts of artsy fartsy.
4. Jessica Day - New Girl: Jess is the second teacher on my list, and there's a reason for that. I am a teacher. But, the reason that I really identify with Jessica Day is because I have the ability to laugh at myself when I'm being awkward, which is often. I am also terribly boy-stupid. I don't realize when men are flirting with me. I don't usually know how to react to it. On a practical level, both Jess and I have masters degrees, enjoy singing instead of speaking, are quirky and play guitar (and by play guitar, I mean jam on some sweet power chords).
5. The Dread Pirate Roberts - The Princess Bride: I think I am very much the country mouse who went to the big city to try to become something bigger and better than I thought I was. But, along the way, I was distracted by a group of misfits and decided that gaming and drinking and punk rock sounded more fun. However, I never lost sight of the noble quest of bettering myself and being more....just more. I have this sort of save the world complex where I want to help others, even when they so clearly do not want to be helped. And, I fear no rodent. So, I will save you from an ROUS if you need me to. I am always much more Fred Astaire than I ever will be Ginger Rodgers.
6. Skeeve the Magnificent - Another Fine Myth: This one is easy. I think of myself as a bumbling fool who, for some reason or another, has been put in a position of power. Much like Skeeve, I keep the ruse up. But, fundamentally, I sort of always doubt that the person who gave me power really knew what they were doing. In short, I am a magician posing as a powerful wizard in a world where powerful wizards are plentiful.
7. Rebecca Bunch - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Singing, again, with the singing. If I could sing my way through life, I would. I also identify with Rebecca because she is very smart, book smart. She, however, lacks the more practical life skills that many people have. I definitely fall into that category. I am lost when it comes to domestic life. I am a buffoon when it comes to romantic entanglements. But, I am a boss when it comes to textbooks and battles of wits.
8. Elmyra - Tiny Toons: Do I or do I not squish animals into aggressive bear hugs whether or not they want me to? Yes. I do that. Definitely, yes.
9. Edgar Frog- The Lost Boys: Besides my deep love of a good red bandana and collection of comic books, I have an unhealthy obsession with the "horror" genre. In addition to this, I am not opposed to having an underground vampire hunting gig on the side.
10. Andie - Pretty in Pink: This one is a little bit more complicated. I can empathize with Andie as I come from humble beginnings and was raised in a single-parent home. I've never been the popular girl. For most of my life, I was rather the opposite. Mostly unnoticed. Mostly without friends, save a few very close ones. I'm less that way today, but only because I found a niche in which I fit, people who made sense to me, and solidarity in being the odd one out. I think Andie would have developed that way too. She was torn over liking the pretty rich boy with the sensitive side. I may have been too. But, I'd have always gone for the Ducky instead. I like a good project, and I love devotion.

SkoopaTroopa is The Protagnoist

There all are sorts of personality type indicators out there. I'm sure you've all been forced to take one at some point or another. Most of the time, I think they're garbage. Some come back with results that I just can't connect to. Some come back with very vague results.

"Do you know someone who died? YES! I do! How did you know? Do you own a red thing? OMG, I so do... you're freaking me out now."

And, realistically, I can't do anything with that type of made up drivel that corporations go nuts over. Let's put everyone in a box! Essentially they do the exact thing we ask people not to do; they stereotype us based on what's most obvious about our personalities. Realistically, we're much more than that -- and the "data" is fairly useless.

Other times, the results are spot on. Though, I'm pretty certain this is just a coincidence, or perhaps I want to connect to results that I like instead of ones I don't like. I'm not sure. I also fail to see how to utilize the results, even the ones I like, in any meaningful way. Yes, I might have those characteristics, but I already knew that. Why does it matter? I cannot realistically apply what I find out unless I know everyone else's personality, how they work or do not work with mine, and how to connect all of that to real life -- and that sounds utterly exhausting.

The MBTI personality indicator, and I've taken it multiple times with the same results, always labels me "The Protagonist". This is something that other people see in me, probably more than I see in myself. Essentially, the protagonist is a passionate and charismatic leader; I'm too humble to cop to something like that. But, I'm told I'm a Protagonist (like a mother fucker).

Again, though, this is simply a crude generalization. So what, many people are charismatic leaders? Does that mean they're all "Protagonists"? The data says, "no".  Only 2.5% of test takers fall into the "Protagonist" category. That data would mean more to me if I knew how many people had taken the test in the first place, how long the data had been collected and how often it is updated.... but I don't know those things (see what I've been saying about meaningless data). So, perhaps the type is more common than we know? Perhaps you don't care?

John Cusack is a "Protagonist". So, that's all I really need to know. We're pretty much the same person; I always suspected as much. I'll just go ahead and trust the results based on my most favorite fallacy, argumentum ad verecundiam. What, don't act like you don't have a favorite fallacy! Judge much?

Here are the main characteristics of a "Protagonist":

• Strong personality
• Authentic
• Concerned
• Altruistic
• Unafraid to speak up or stand up for themselves
• Strong communicators
• Intuitive
• Reflective / Analytical
• Vulnerable
• Emotional Hypochondriacs (I don't even know what that means, but I'm certain that I am one. I have to be.)

Am I these things? No, really, am I?

But, when the results get into the particulars of relationships, friendships, and careers, I do see how I fit in much better. In the world of love and heartache, I tend to choose people that I see potential in. I've never casually dated and I take things very slow. My needs tend to be fairly simple. I'm happy if the other person is happy. If not, I will do anything in  my power to help that person get where they need to be. I like to be in charge; I also like to avoid conflict, sometimes sacrificing some of my personal values in the process. The bad thing is that I don't address something until it hits the boiling point. All of these things are true. I don't think knowing or understanding them will fundamentally change me in any remarkable way.

I enjoy getting to know other people. I can be diplomatic. But, mostly, I have a "save the world" complex. I want everyone to do well and to be okay. So, I try to do whatever I can to make sure that happens. But, I get upset if people don't let me help. I get frustrated when people don't help themselves. I see it as a personal failure, when realistically, I know that it is not. I'm not sure if this also makes me an enabler or not? Probably, yes.

As the remarkably talented LBC says,

"Oh, gee, what is it tonight?
At least just tell me what the hell is wrong,
Do you want to eat, do you want to sleep, do you want to drown?
Just settle down, settle down, settle down...

I'll give you give candy, give you diamonds, give you pills,
Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills,
I'll even let you watch the shows you want to see,
Just marry me, marry me, marry me...

I'm so sick of you tonight,
You never stay awake when I get home,
Is something wrong with me, something wrong with you?
I really wish I knew, wish I knew, wish I knew..." (Pandav, 2006).

Maybe Kaustubh Pandav is also a protagonist?

Moving on, it's natural that this desire to help people spills over into my career. I am a professor, and I don't do it for the pay check (that would be silly). I do it because I am in love with the moment that I can see someone understand something new. That light bulb gives me the drive to keep doing what I'm doing. And, I didn't have to be a teacher. I could have gone into any number of other fields. I chose to be here. Some days I regret that decision because the politics and limitations of the position eat at me, and I think that I only stay because I get to see that moment happen, over and over.

Whether or not I am actually a Protagonist, I don't know. Maybe you do. Maybe you can see it in me where I cannot see it in myself. Or, perhaps I'm not a Protagonist. Or, maybe the entire test is B.S. just like the other tests that I so loathe. Do I need a test to understand who I am as a person? Some days, I really think I do. Other days, I am so sure I know who I am that I'd never think of questioning it.

I don't quite know why we have so many of these personality type indicators. I'm still not sure what the point is. I don't know how they're valuable. Again, none of this is really important. I just felt like typing it all down. You're welcome.

SkoopaTroopa Sings The Blues (Because Nobody Gets Out of Here Without Singing The Blues)

Unpopular opinion : Vincent D'onofrio is, hands down, my favorite Thor. Hands down.

Did I use a thinly veiled "Adventures in Babysitting" reference to post pictures of Vincent D'onofrio? I sure did. Can you blame me? He's wonderful (even if my mom thinks I'm crazy for saying so).

As a child, I WAS Sarah from "Adventures in Babysitting", running around with a Thor helmet--I even lived in the right city, Chicago. Though, my parents would NEVER let a babysitter take me into the city at night. That's just irresponsible.

I had silly plastic Fisher-Price roller skates too, and a sweater that was strikingly similar to the one Sarah wore for the majority of the movie. I'm sure that I have pictures of it somewhere, but it's too late and I am too tired to go digging through my closet to find them.

I would like to give this movie some credit for the way that I developed, but I was a wee tot when it came out and cultivated my love of Thor all by myself. I just found kinship with Sarah when I was old enough to understand the plot of the film, and eventually I connected to Chris instead, but that's all a normal part of growing up, or so I like to believe. The one thing I couldn't connect to was that my truck-driving dad did not have a hook for a hand.

As an adult, my deep love for Thor did not change; it only grew deeper (I ignored that whole time in comic book world where Thor was dead -- we don't talk about the dark days). Did I throw myself a Thor / WWE themed birthday party in my mid-twenties? True. Did my awesome friends show up with Thor masks and Mjolnir replicas (including a movie-quality prop--just for me)? Correct. Did I also, for some reason, run around wearing a WWE belt? Sure did. My life doesn't make sense and it doesn't have to (much like this nonsense midnight post).

So let's bring things full circle. While many other actors have stepped in to play Thor, D'onofrio will always be my favorite. Meow.

Is this post about "Adventures in Babysitting" or Vincent D'onofrio. Only sort of. I just wanted to make sure that everyone understood both my deep love for this film and for D'onofrio. I love him. Even today, love. The man can really beard. And, everyone knows that I love a good beard. Look at it. Love it as I love it.


Now that we've established that, we can move on. Will I be singing any actual blues? That remains to be seen. Depending on how stuffy my nose is when I'm done writing this, you may get something blues-adjacent (or not).

I did write another post, one with a point. It's about being a protagonist, according to the MBTI. I'll eventually post it. For now, all of you lovelies just get my Thor ramblings and  a list of my current favorite songs. You're welcome.

1. Heartworms - The Shins (I've had a favorite Shins song for over a decade now, but I think it's moved to #2 because I love this song.)
2. Album of The Year - The Good Life
3. Sea Legs - The Shins (Not the only repeat artist in my top ten here)
4. All Fall Down - Matt Skiba & The Sekrets
5. How The Hell Did We Get Here - Matt Skiba & The Sekrets
6. Messes - Tim Kasher
7. That Man - Caro Emerald
8. Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys
9. Leave on The Light - Lucky Boys Confusion
10. Heart it Races - Dr. Dog

Here's a playlist should you care to listen to it.

It seems you will not get a blues recording right now. But, maybe I'll make one tomorrow. Until then, "Rest well and dream of large women".

SkoopaTroopa is Back in Time Like Huey Lewis or Some Shizz

Tonight, I stumbled upon many things from my past. One of those things was an old writing account where I used to post my work when I was shiny and green. I took a break from grading to read over some of my old work.

Some of it was actually very good, albeit with a young voice. But, I was 18 or 19 or 20 years old when I wrote most of it. So, it was appropriate to my real-life age.  It made me remember my first college graduation. There was a dinner / award ceremony for all of the Sigma Tau Deltas. We were each asked to read one of our pieces for a room full of our peers, professors and family members, and also the chair of the English Department. I'm certain that what I read was slightly risque, but that it was probably also very funny. I really think it had something to do with my nickname, and I don't know that I have a copy of it anymore. I may have to investigate.

But, what I remember most about this event is that some of our favorite faculty members were invited to give each one of us a short introduction before we came up to read. I was very excited to learn that one of my idols (still, to this day, idol), Alison Townsend, would be giving my introduction.

What she said, I'm sure, was written in a way that is far lovelier than I will ever be able to write. The woman just has a way with language, not that I don't, but hers is just so much more elegant and poignant than my own.

I remember that she talked about how I was this great explorer of love -- that I constantly wrote about it, the good, the bad and the awful. It wasn't just romantic love, but love in all of it's forms, as well as the absence of love. I never really noticed that sort of thing about myself. I have feelings. I enjoy love or I abhor it, depending on the day. But, what she saw was this person seeking to define and dissect and understand something so complex that the effort itself was fruitless, and she found some type of beauty in that willingness to search even when an answer was, at best, intangible.

In looking over the work in my not quite defunct writing account, I guess she was sort of right. I did write about love. I wrote about loving paint chips as a child (let's not get into that, just move along), my love of being five and thinking I could fly, my love of playing childish pranks on a paramour,  my love of the night, my love of memory and hatred of the moment it begins to fade, my tumultuous familial relationships, my love for an uncle who had passed away, and my love for a vagabond Captain named Spatula.

There is one piece that's sort of a letter to the man who wants to love me for the rest of my life. It's this goofy laundry list of qualities that, at one time, I was looking for. Much of it is really poorly written, though I'm sure I loved it at the time. But, a few lines still resonate with me over a decade later. I've changed, but I haven't really changed all that much.

"And even if you actually believe that

I am perfection; do not tell me over a candle-lit dinner

While spewing some business about love and gravity,

In fact, you probably shouldn’t tell me at all."

I laughed when I read this particular stanza. The writing is clunky, and I'm sure it was part of a "fit your writing into this form we just studied" assignment for some poetry class I took during college. However, the sentiment is 100% me. I am not very sappy, and when people go on about the moon and the stars I start to get bored. I also abhor being put on a pedestal. I am a human person, made of marred flesh, and expect to be treated as such.

"What I really mean—if you really love me,

  Don’t make it a chore. I wont.

  I’m very lazy after all."

I also, very much, enjoyed the ending. I don't think I meant that I will not put effort into something, but more that loving me shouldn't seem like a job. It should just be a part of existing.

So, after reading all of this, I decided to try my hand at a revised version of the poem. The copyright date on the original is 2008. So, this is almost 10 years later. If you stop reading here, I will not be offended--silly love songs are not for everyone. If you do not stop reading here, be kind, I wrote this entire post during the 30 minute journal time that I allot for my students.

2017: For The Man Who Wants Me To Love Him For The Rest of My Life(Disclaimer: Title has been slightly altered so that you cannot google the OG posting.)

Let your love linger in the back
of your brain with the moldy
name of your kindergarten best friend
and the jar of pickled insults from
your playground arch-nemesis.

Forget it. Don't let it pervade your
thoughts, but also do not let it completely
slip away.

You are a person, individual, unique,
your bones covered in tough flesh, a
perfect original. Do not lose this
person. He is the reason
I love you
in the first place.

But, let him stick
to my flesh, for seconds or
minutes or hours, because
sometimes
we're more alike
than either one of us
will ever
admit.

I do not want flowers,
they'll make me sick
and that's something
no one needs to
put up with.

But, my feet will be cold
and your butt will be warm,
so that's definitely
going to be a thing.

Understand my imperfections
and love them
along with the rest of my
fragmented pieces,
the bright,
the fun,
the funny,
the talented,
and the utterly
broken,
and
let your own
cracks
show.

I like
very few porcelain
things, and those
are already collecting
dust on a
bookshelf
in my office.

You'll offend me
and that's okay,
I will offend
you too.
But, forget it
or
forgive it
and
sleep next to me anyway.

Know that I sulk,
that I'll be a pain
in your ass,
that I'll have
very black dark
days,
and they may
not have anything
to do with you,
and you may
not be able
to fix them.

Understand that's
okay.
Love me
for my
flaws and not
besides
them.

And, do not
read me
poetry
about love
and
longing
and
stars
or
moons,
about pining.
If you
read me
poems
let them
be
about beer
or pizza
or
wandering octopus
anatomy.

Do not idolize
me, and if you do,
keep it to
yourself.
I don't need
a
ridiculous
standard
looming over my
head.

What I really mean
is that if you
love me,
really love me,
do not make it a chore.
I won't.

I'm very lazy, after all.

SkoopaTroopa Does Sportsing

I have a very complicated relationship with sports. My parents expected me to be a boy, but I popped out with a glorious innie instead. I was not the Danny they had been hoping for--and I think, especially my father, really wanted a boy. Looking back at childhood pictures, I was frequently dressed as a jockey or as a baseball player. Likely, this was through no choice of my own -- people don't generally let toddlers gussy themselves up.

 

 I was an uncoordinated child, much interested in fantasy or swordplay. I've never been very good at reality; it's super boring. I loved Thundercats and Silverhawks and the occasional BraveStarr. I routinely decapitated Barbie dolls because I didn't like them or because I was a burgeoning little serial killer--anywho...

I was a less than feminine child. There are pictures of me looking miserable in pink bunny outfits and frou frou dresses that my grandmother would buy for me -- they always came in tan Madigan's boxes with navy blue lids. I may even have some of those boxes stored away in my basement.

But, this, all of it, left me in this muddy middle ground, falling short of everyone's expectations -- Jessica, the disappointment--too female to be a boy and too masculine to be feminine, awe shucks.

I tried my hand at bowing for a while; I did an ill-advised stint as a cheerleader because I wanted a trophy. Both were sad and laughable feats. The only sport I ever actually wanted to play was soccer, which was never a "life passion" for me. But, this is all me getting ahead of myself.

My dad and I have very little in common, save a wide nose and similar shaped eyes. When I was young, he was a truck driver, often on the road. I didn't see him very often; I still don't. I'm not all that certain I've ever known him very well. However, I do know that he loves Chicago, our home town. More importantly, he loves Chicago sports.

So, as a child, it seemed in my best interest(s) to also love sports. And, I did. I didn't actually know what was happening in the game(s) I watched. I wasn't sure why some games were played on courts and others in fields. I did not know the rules of any of the games. They were far too complicated for my tiny flighty mind. What I did know was that Bulls and Bears and their Cubs were all that was right with the world.

I knew that Michael Jordan was a winner, to cheer for Scottie Pippen, and that Horace Grant wore ridiculous goggles. I knew that 1985 had been a good year and that I probably wanted a Papa Bear Halas. I learned to SuperBowl Shuffle and read books about "Sweetness", though I always preferred "The Fridge". I knew that we lived on the North side of town which meant that Sox were dirty and were best placed on feet or in shoes. I knew that Harry Caray called the games and that hot dogs always tasted better in Wrigley Field.

Sports were clearly important to my father. So, they became important to me. I have few truly vibrant memories from my childhood that include my father. But, I can always clearly picture myself sitting in his lap in my oversize ALF t-shirt, happily watching sports. I think I was content I think I felt accepted.

While I am less of a sports enthusiast than you might now assume, these moments with my father stuck with me, instilled in me this deep love for the city from which I came, this team loyalty. It's that thing that people don't understand about Chicago fans, why love a losing team? You love a losing team because it's part of who you are. You love a losing team because it's part of where you came from. You love a losing team because your dad loved a losing team, to be closer to him. You love a losing team because they don't always lose, because the sweet satisfaction of something you've cherished for so long finally achieving a victory makes it all that sweeter.

SkoopaTroopa Says, “Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn”.

Let’s start out, first, with a disclaimer. I cannot stand “Gone with The Wind”. There are many reasons for that. Of course, I love the iconic Vivien Leigh, but some of the content doesn’t sit right with me. Even with the understanding that it is representative of both the period it’s portraying and the period it was filmed, I still despise some of the insensitivity. I also abhor romance as a general rule, and I think Scarlett O’Hara is, mostly, insufferable. 

But, this post isn’t about my deep hatred of “Gone with The Wind,” it’s about my failure to reconcile the part of me that is female with the expectation of what’s considered feminine. Realistically, I’m not. But, we’re operating on stereotypes here instead of considering the spectrum itself.

This is something I’ve recently thought about and/or discussed with people around me – and the only thing they point out is that I wear make-up. This is true, absolutely. I do. But, I don’t wear it to meet some sort of societal norm, I wear it because I’m creative, because I find it aesthetically pleasing, and I don’t think creativity is a feminine quality; it’s a human quality.

And, now you’re probably wondering why I brought up “Gone with The Wind” in the first place. Good question. The reason here is that I deeply identify with Rhett Butler, a masculine character. I’m not sure if I’ve always identified with him, perhaps it’s just that he and I are now the same age. Some tout him as this dreamboat, romantic hero. He isn’t. Some view him as an inconsiderate scumbag who doesn’t save the protagonist. He isn’t. He is, like me, human.

Scarlett O’ Hara is a willful and spoiled child, which you can forgive her because she is truly a child. She is beautiful and living in a hard world during uncertain times. She has drive and business savvy. She has determination; she is singularly focused on her end game. These qualities, in and of themselves, aren’t inherently bad. A strong woman can make for a great role model; it’s the way she uses these qualities that makes her truly infuriating. She is hard-headed and narcissistic. She understands that her good looks can get her things, and she uses them to excite young men so that they will fight over her. She chases after someone she finds attractive, not because they’re compatible, but because she wants to win. She doesn’t understand herself. She acts without considering why she’s acting. She defines success and does all that she can to achieve it, but she never ponders the thoughts and feelings of the people she’s stepping over. There is very little that I can connect to there. I have drive. I have goals, but I am kind and compassionate. I think about how my actions affect others; I consider people when making choices.

Rhett is independent. He’s also the victim of false rumors, but he moves beyond it. When he’s touted as a ladies man, or a scoundrel, what’s really happening is that he’s testing the waters. He learns that he isn’t into silly or foolish people, and he does so without actually harming others.  He is blunt with others, which can be off-putting, but he’s always honest about his intentions and he thinks things through before acting. He is noble and looks beyond the surface; he sees people for who they truly are. He has the ability to love and the patience to put up with someone who may not be perfect; someone who has some growing up to do. He is always there in times of need. But, what I find truly remarkable is that he has the strength to walk away when it’s time. He doesn’t give in to pressure. He doesn’t play games. He makes the best choice he can make with the information he’s given.

Really, I don’t know what the take-away is right here. I do not identify with the female. I do identify with the male. But, is it a matter of feminine vs. masculine or a matter of my inherent good nature? Perhaps it has to do with my age? Or, is it that I can relate to one of the characters a bit more?

And, if you’re still reading this, you probably realize that maybe this is about something entirely different than I said; that I’ve misled you.